In the past days and weeks, months now boy, have i been burning daylight! I have been forced to slow down, way way down and there is really no way to see the end. My body has decided i am going to take this rest regardless of what my mind and my spirit wants.

Its been brutal to cancel plans, to have to face the possibility of needing to change my coming one year, three year and five year longer terms plans. Its not just me facing some health issues, Dear hubby is as well.

Each time we think we get a handle on things, each time we think we are staple, something new hits us and then its rounds of more testing, waiting, more testing, maybe answers and then more choices and changes feel like they are forced on us

Dear Hubby’s numbers are rock solid for his Diabetes and yet the disease itself marches onward, I am following all the requests and rules and more and yet my last lung test showed very poorly indeed, dropping my capacity by 22 percent and that is leading to a host of other issues.

They adjust meds and order you to rest, to recover, to listen to your body, to not push yourself, to eat right and drink your water and sleep, don’t stress, can you work less, can you sleep more, can you lose weight for me and for Dear Hubby Don’t lose any more weight and can you please work out and gain muscle mass back!

I feel a fire in me, its deep and its banked and i am doing my best to make sure it does not come out and burn those around me. My mind is working and i am left sitting with a body that is limiting and a mind that is a force of its own.

As folks tell me, you will feel better soon, are you sick again, i am sure you will feel better after a sleep, maybe just try harder, i can feel the walls going up, i am sharing less an less, sharing details and hard truths with less and less people.

Last year i would have shared details on the medical tests that took place this week.. This year, i talked in person with less folks then i can count on my hand and shared nothing. I will wait for results to be known and then we will see..

Finding myself smiling more and nodding my head as i say things like.. it will take time but thank you for your kind words.. and i mean it, i am grateful for those that care enough to ask and offer

I am just tired and so its easier to be quiet in certain ways and just get on with it, and that applies for a lot of the outside pressures lately as well. I know things are in flux, things are changing, i see what is happening and coming.

Keep steady, Keep Quiet and Pace it.. one thing at a time, one list at a time, stay flexible, stay fluid, and just keep getting the next step done and the next and the next and the next and the next!

I may be burning daylight, i may be burning with some low simmering belly fire but its going to find its way out in so many small quiet ways that will have ripple effects..

This forced rest is leading me to focus on what really matters to me and is this something that i can give my time and effort.

If you are dealing with short or long term health issues and working on dealing and adjusting your world, just know you are not alone! If you are narrowing your focus, know you are not alone. If you are finding yourself quiet right now, know you are not alone.. Allow yourself that time to reflect, learn and refocus.

30 Day Challenge -Day 14 of daily blogging!